Since people are beign open about opinions and experiences,I tought I'd give it a shot, after all I'm sti affected by this and i need someone to talk to.
It all began with me and my husband trying really hard to get pregnant with no success.Finally it happened, and we couldn't believe how lucky we were.
Everything was going great, the baby was healthy and beautiful growing inside of me; we felt bless.Ive always feared to have a miscarriage,since almost every woman in my family has lost a baby or even too.Anyways,as time passed by me and my Hubbbie were strarting to imagine what the baby would look like, from the colors of his eyes to what he would be like. Later that month we got even greatest news, we were expecting a baby Boy;you see we have a beautiful 3 year old daughter, and we were dying to have a boy,and close the factory if ya'll know what i mean.
We were supposed to see the doctor on February 11th. It was a Monday but the night before, after my sister had dropped our daughter off( she took her for ice cream), I started to have contractions and they wouldn't go away, but I decided to wait and see if they dissapeared on their own.
I slept well, but the moment i woke up the contractions were even worse.We called the doctor and she told us that maybe it was an infection, and I should get some labs done, we droped our daughter off at school and took off to the laboratories. After we came out my husband called the doctor and insisted she see us right away;I remember feeling a knot on my stomach as we walked in, and well never forget that day. The doctor did an ultrasound and I remember her beign too quiet.Then looking at the screen and seeing our baby in fetal position( usually he moved), and wondering were his heart was.we heard the news parents don't want to hear.... "I need you to go upstairs and get a more professional ultrasound.. I don't see the Babys heart beat, I could be wrong, but we have to be sure
After that I remember feeling like our whole world fell apart.We did the ultrasound but I couldnt dare to look.the Doctor in charge said he was sorry and told us things would get better, but by that time I felt as I a part of me had died with our child.
I had to be admited to the hospital right away, the baby, who we were planning on naming after my husband had been dead for at least two weeks.They Induced me labor , to get the baby out and clean me up inside.
The pain I felt was worst than the one I felt when I gave birth to my daughter( it was natural child birth),finally I got the epidural, but the pain was so intense, they had to give me a sedative.
The baby came out, and so the rest, I felt the need to see our son and say goodbye.But I got upset cuz they weren't listening to me, so they put me to sleep;and I never got see our son and let him know how much we loved him.I woke up in recovery, and left the hospital the next day.
Am I over it?, NO, since then I've always felt as if a part of my heart is missing, it went with him, I'm young, yeah I'll get pregnant again, sure why not but you can never repalce one child with another; he'll always be a part of us, a part of our little family , he'll always be loved as if he was here with us .
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